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I live! And I do intend for this blog to be more than just annual Eurovision posts. The trouble is I keep coming up with a post, fail to actually type it up when I'm at my PC, and them time passes and I end up with so many backlogged posts that none of them get posted.
Case in point: this post, which has taken nearly a week for me to get round to actually posting it.
Anyway, it's Eurovision time! And this year I'm at a watch party for added commentary!
So this year the trophy is delivered by... spontaneous kayaker in a Mission Impossible spinoff? The hosts are not impressed. For the flag parade this year, they've gone for Miami eighties sunset grid lines synthwave. I'm sensing a theme here...
Graham Norton: "if you're not enjoying any of the songs this year, just remember... there were worse"
This year's postcard theme: actual postcards. Some of the recipients may have been short changed with where the postcard was sent to.
1. Norway: is that it? Ah no, there's more - and ACTUAL FIRE!
2. Luxembourg: quick - escape the doll's house! S: "It's not a little bit weird. It's properly out there"
3. Estonia: E: "What is happening?" What is this I don't even... I think this is the strangest Eurovision song I've ever seen, and that includes Windows 95 man.
4. Israel: climb the very sparkly tower!
5. Lithuania: consensus from the watch party is "moody".
6. Spain: spontaneous techno and fireworks?
7. Ukraine: our superpower: the ability to create light by singing!
Interlude: Mexican wave fail! #awkward
8. United Kingdom: our song title is an accurate description of most Eurovision entries. Very strong Queen vibes for this one
9. Austria: if your opera is epic enough, your paper boat will become an actual boat!
10. Iceland: S: "did somebody say Jedward?" Wonderfully bonkers, though consensus in the watch party is it's not as bonkers as Estonia! The theme reminds me of a song from a previous Eurovision...
Interlude: What.
11. Latvia: our ritual summoning includes fish people. Neat projection effect on the curtain.
12. Netherlands: we summoned... tulips!
13. Finland: stop giving me mic stands!
Interlude: DVDs are apparently now more retro than CDs?
14. Italy: goth... but not?
15. Poland: our ritual summoning includes a whirlpool, fire, and a dragon
16. Germany: surprise techno boombox!
Interlude: the backstage ninjas
17. Greece: we've combined the whirlpool and fire into a lava ocean!
18. Armenia: I will survive the treadmill!
19. Switzerland: awww
Random watch party discussion: do you get to vote if you're in the audience?
20. Malta: What.
21. Portugal: sort of a Queen-lite song?
22. Denmark: help I'm trapped in a technicolour changing room
Interlude: Switzerland's new national anthem!
23. Sweden: warning: Swedish saunas may teleport you to Eurovision
Interlude: E: "it's a giant Eurovision karoke contest"
24. France: this is all your fault, Graham Norton.
25. San Marino: disco Eurovision?
26. Albania: we couldn't get a drum kit so we will have to improvise with intimidating rap
This year my favourites are Austria and Greece, the UK are better than Portugal at Queen tribute acts... and Estonia have demolished all comers at the "what is this I don't even" award (with Sweden a close second).
Interval 1: this is how we did Eurovision last time
Interval 2: epic rave dance-off!
Interval 3: epic breakdown over a ladder?
And it's time for the votes... with Sweden reporting from a sauna! San Marino successfully got the audience to join in. Italy is represented by a mouse? The juries are all over the place this year and with all the jury votes in Austria in the lead only has 258 points (while Iceland are on 0!).
Protip from the hosts: "Points are good!" Good to know.
And Iceland got some points and are not leaving with nothing! The UK on the other hand somehow got zero from the audience (along with Switzerland)? Harsh, dude.
It was close in the end - but ultimately, Austria are the winners! With the singer completely overwhelmed and clinging on to the podium for dear life while being attacked by confetti cannons!
Interval act 1: Time for a eighties disco! And oops, a little too much fire - not to mention the wrong band...
Interval act 2: ABBA?! Covered by some more recent Eurovision winners.
This year even the hosts get to make a picture postcard and attempt dramatic selfies!
Interval act 3: the post-apocalyptic Fifth Element/Ghost in the Shell crossover continues...
And the lines are now closed! I did not expect the crowd to boo the EBU's representative Martin Österdahl to that extent, though this year's Eurovision contest has had controversial aspects, to say the least... Anyway, jury vote time with the traditional "this is London calling" combined with the traditional Graham Norton snark. Malta's representative was caught mid-banana! Australia have brought the keytar back, and with it 4 points to the UK - so whatever happens, we've scored something. Wow, the crowd do not like the EBU (who delivered the Netherland's points since their host decided not to appear after their disqualification).
So everyone got something from the jury vote, but the leader by far is Switzerland with 365 points? Don't get me wrong, it was good, but I wouldn't have expected it to win. As always everything is still to play for as the public vote can deliver over 400 points to the ultimate winner - and the public often disagrees with the juries.
Austria only got 5 (for 24 total). Lithuania are the first to get more than 50 from the audience. There's a lot of small scores being awarded at the moment, until we reach Greece with 85.
And the UK got zero from the audience? Harsh, dude, and undeserved - that was a decent entry.
Ireland did well, but not enough to reach the top. No, Australia, the witch shall not be crowned tonight. Instead it's looking like Croatia who got 370+ audience points. With two to go, it'll take a lot of points to pass Croatia and I'm not sure there's that much left for Switzerland or France to beat them.
I was wrong, Switzerland take the crown. Literally - they've got Ireland's crown!
All they have to do now is make it through the neon maze that is backstage. 😅
Yes! It's that time of year again! And we're off to a great start already with one contestant kicked out during the rehearsals and at least two country hosts bowing out...
Anyway, Eurovision this year gets a royal introduction from the Crown Princess of Sweden! Classy.
I recognise one of the flag parade songs! Oddly enough I was listening to it only yesterday. And I see the UK has decided to win the largest flag competition with one that must have come from the Royal Navy 😅
Resident snarkmeister Graham Norton is back and opens with: "Yes, you can vote for songs before they have been performed. I could try and explain it, but why bother?". So this year the lines are already open? Eh, bring on the songs!
This year's postcard themes: a recap of past entries, followed by cellphone selfies with dramatic slow-motion posing
1. Sweden: we're stuck in an unforgettable sci-fi corridor with All The Strobe Lights
2. Ukraine: don't worry about life in the desert, our rain chant works
3. Germany: ALL THE FIRE
4. Luxembourg: beware of the leopards!
5. Netherlands: kicked out during rehearsals, though apparently not because of Gaza?
6. Israel: how to hide the backing dancers: all the smoke machines!
7. Lithuania: oh dear, we seem to have summoned giant hands
Interlude, with a clip of Sweden's first go at hosting Eurovision 50 years ago.
8. Spain: I did not expect that
9. Estonia: we lost our violins, so we'll have to improvise
10. Ireland: the goths have worked out how to power their spells with Eurovision. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
11. Latvia: rather underwhelming
12. Greece: we found the Tiktok effects!
13. United Kingdom: we hired M C Escher to do our set design. This may have been a mistake.
Interlude: the EBU spokesperson gives us the inside scoop... in song, naturally.
14. Norway: a sort of fey rock metal, with a side order of goth?
15. Italy: who will be brave enough to claim the Rose Throne?
16. Serbia: our fey goth has been left on a rock in the middle of the ocean. Very emotional.
17. Finland: what is this I don't even... just... what...
18. Portugal: see, if you abandon your fey then they'll just summon whatever Finland was and we'll have to clean up the emotional trauma
19. Armenia: I brought all my favourite instruments!
20. Cyprus: liar!
21. Switzerland: you can make it up the dish thing if you try!
Interlude: the infamous skirt moment!
Also this year the Eurovision songs are available on DVD, CD, LP,... and rune stone?
22. Slovenia: our fey didn't even get a rock to stand on, so she'll have to make do with backing dancers.
23. Croatia: time to leave for Eurovision, just don't forget to pack your cosplay outfits. Catchy!
24. Georgia: more fire! Though we'll have to make do with the video wall, Germany used up all the actual fire.
25. France: mind the camera! Impressive a capella bit near the end.
Interlude: Brighton survived ABBA!
26. Austria: cyberpunk fey, bringing the rave! Bookends rather neatly with Sweden at the start.
So to sum up, my favourites are Sweden, Norway, Croatia, and Austria, the fey have turned up from all over the place including Ireland, and Slovenia, and Serbia has demonstrated that if you don't take care of them then they'll retaliate. With Finland.
Interval act 1: Wow - some (all?) of the dancers have artificial arms/legs, and there's even a few in wheelchairs.
Interval act 2: I recognise that song, it's Imagine? Annnd now we have a complete mood swing with You Spin Me Round and a pair of giant inflatable wings, because Eurovision 😅. It's a wonderfully bonkers mashup of previous contestants singing covers... ending with a very moving live linkup with Kyiv to You'll Never Walk Alone.
And that's it, the line's are closed, and bring on the votes! Unusually we don't have Graham Norton's snark on the UK commentary because he's actually presenting the results! We start with "this is Ukraine calling", who won't let the fact they're calling in from a literal warzone stop Eurovision. Most of the presenters follow the usual format of standing in front of a cultural location, but Iceland's presenter... he could have been part of the eldritch sci-fi that was Serbia's performance (turns out Iceland's presenter is from their 2019 entry, which explains everything). Whatever sci-fi show that is I want to know more. Norway's was merely gatecrashed by Subwoolfer who are everywhere this year. Georgia have gone steampunk!
So at the end of the jury votes at least all the countries have something (even if Germany only have 3 points) - there'll be no repeat of nul points this year. Sweden have a massive lead of almost twice 2nd-placed Israel... for now that is, but as always all can change with the televote and in past years there's been like 400 points from the audience so anyone could win.
Coratia's not going to win but has jumped into the top half from the audience vote. 9 points for the UK (for a total of 24) - harsh... but it is not zero, so I'll take that. And the audience very much disagreed with the jury on Norway and have launched them into current 2nd place. Ukraine's got to 3rd place from the televote.
We're now at the top five from the jury, and all could still win. Sweden's still at the top so it'll take a good couple of hundred points to pass them - and as I type, Finland gets 300-plus points to take first place for now. That may very well be game - I reckon it all comes down to how many points Sweden get.
And the winner is Sweden!
Interval act 2: I recognise that song, it's Imagine? Annnd now we have a complete mood swing with You Spin Me Round and a pair of giant inflatable wings, because Eurovision 😅. It's a wonderfully bonkers mashup of previous contestants singing covers... ending with a very moving live linkup with Kyiv to You'll Never Walk Alone.
And that's it, the line's are closed, and bring on the votes! Unusually we don't have Graham Norton's snark on the UK commentary because he's actually presenting the results! We start with "this is Ukraine calling", who won't let the fact they're calling in from a literal warzone stop Eurovision. Most of the presenters follow the usual format of standing in front of a cultural location, but Iceland's presenter... he could have been part of the eldritch sci-fi that was Serbia's performance (turns out Iceland's presenter is from their 2019 entry, which explains everything). Whatever sci-fi show that is I want to know more. Norway's was merely gatecrashed by Subwoolfer who are everywhere this year. Georgia have gone steampunk!
So at the end of the jury votes at least all the countries have something (even if Germany only have 3 points) - there'll be no repeat of nul points this year. Sweden have a massive lead of almost twice 2nd-placed Israel... for now that is, but as always all can change with the televote and in past years there's been like 400 points from the audience so anyone could win.
Coratia's not going to win but has jumped into the top half from the audience vote. 9 points for the UK (for a total of 24) - harsh... but it is not zero, so I'll take that. And the audience very much disagreed with the jury on Norway and have launched them into current 2nd place. Ukraine's got to 3rd place from the televote.
We're now at the top five from the jury, and all could still win. Sweden's still at the top so it'll take a good couple of hundred points to pass them - and as I type, Finland gets 300-plus points to take first place for now. That may very well be game - I reckon it all comes down to how many points Sweden get.
And the winner is Sweden!
Yes, I do still have a blog despite having not posted since um... last year 😅. But it's now May, which means it's time for me to once again ramble on at Eurovision! And it's here in England!
And who knows, maybe I'll actually start blogging again having finally gotten round to writing something...
Wait, there's a Scouse commentary?
Anyway, so we begin with an all-star remix of last year's winner - and if you pick the right train, you'll be sucked into Liverpool! Specifically, into the Eurovision stage on top of a giant pair of hands?
The flag parade seems to now be a regular thing... though every few countries they interrupt it with a previous Ukranian performer. Queen Jadis is back with her Narnia forest... as is Verka, of course!
This year's postcard trick: drones with 360-degree cameras! Reminds me of the British Gas adverts of all things.
1. Austria: our cloning machine for backing dancers may have worked too well
2. Portugal: sass deployed. Quite a catchy song
3. Switzerland: 4-way - no, 5-way tug of war! Wait, are they launching fireworks downwards into the floor?
4. Poland: we found the video effects machine!
5. Serbia: very eldritch sci-fi. Shades of Doctor Who, or maybe Alien, with a side order of Mortal Kombat? Whatever show this is I want to know more
6. France: classy
Interlude: quick montage from the semi-finals... including Subwoolfer confusing everyone 😅
7. Cyprus: Health and Safety allowed flamethrowers but vetoed the waterfall?
8. Spain: the mysterious cult has found... the fog machine!
Interlude: Subwoolfer are back!
9. Sweden: Ghost in the Shell... in the desert?
Interlude: download our app! Please!
10. Albania: I don't know what boss battle this is for but it's an epic one
11. Italy: shadow dancers with a trampoline?
12. Estonia: surely a self-playing piano is cheating
13. Finland: warning: box contains Eurovision contestants and dangerous amounts of rainbows
14. Czechia: we're not your dolls
15. Australia: we're on a road trip all the way from down under - complete with epic drummer headbanging! This could be another boss battle soundtrack, this time with shades of the Astral Chain soundtrack
16. Belgium: What.
Interlude: Graham Norton's secret Eurovison DVD collectionn
17. Armenia: impressive. I was trying to work out how she's done it - it's front projection, but this time on an angled screen.
18. Moldova: another mysterious cult, summoning... something
19. Ukraine: more post-apocalyptic eldritch sci-fi, with a side-order of goth
20. Norway: and more boss battle soundtracks! Oddly, something about the tune for the chorus puts me in mind of the Mr Fantastic Fox film - the town battle near the end
21. Germany: Moldova's summoning ring succeeded. Bring on the guitars!
22. Lithuania: we've successfully banished whatever Moldova summoned. We think.
23. Israel: where's my unicorn!
24. Slovenia: welcome to club Carpe Diem
25. Croatia: what is this I don't even...
26. United Kingdom: we want to make it clear that we wrote a song
So Albania, Australia and Norway are providing the music for the boss battles while Serbia are in an actual boss battle, and Moldova's eldritch summoning succeeded. Whatever film/series/game this is the soundtrack for I want to know more.
And who knows, maybe I'll actually start blogging again having finally gotten round to writing something...
Wait, there's a Scouse commentary?
Anyway, so we begin with an all-star remix of last year's winner - and if you pick the right train, you'll be sucked into Liverpool! Specifically, into the Eurovision stage on top of a giant pair of hands?
The flag parade seems to now be a regular thing... though every few countries they interrupt it with a previous Ukranian performer. Queen Jadis is back with her Narnia forest... as is Verka, of course!
This year's postcard trick: drones with 360-degree cameras! Reminds me of the British Gas adverts of all things.
1. Austria: our cloning machine for backing dancers may have worked too well
2. Portugal: sass deployed. Quite a catchy song
3. Switzerland: 4-way - no, 5-way tug of war! Wait, are they launching fireworks downwards into the floor?
4. Poland: we found the video effects machine!
5. Serbia: very eldritch sci-fi. Shades of Doctor Who, or maybe Alien, with a side order of Mortal Kombat? Whatever show this is I want to know more
6. France: classy
Interlude: quick montage from the semi-finals... including Subwoolfer confusing everyone 😅
7. Cyprus: Health and Safety allowed flamethrowers but vetoed the waterfall?
8. Spain: the mysterious cult has found... the fog machine!
Interlude: Subwoolfer are back!
9. Sweden: Ghost in the Shell... in the desert?
Interlude: download our app! Please!
10. Albania: I don't know what boss battle this is for but it's an epic one
11. Italy: shadow dancers with a trampoline?
12. Estonia: surely a self-playing piano is cheating
13. Finland: warning: box contains Eurovision contestants and dangerous amounts of rainbows
14. Czechia: we're not your dolls
15. Australia: we're on a road trip all the way from down under - complete with epic drummer headbanging! This could be another boss battle soundtrack, this time with shades of the Astral Chain soundtrack
16. Belgium: What.
Interlude: Graham Norton's secret Eurovison DVD collectionn
17. Armenia: impressive. I was trying to work out how she's done it - it's front projection, but this time on an angled screen.
18. Moldova: another mysterious cult, summoning... something
19. Ukraine: more post-apocalyptic eldritch sci-fi, with a side-order of goth
20. Norway: and more boss battle soundtracks! Oddly, something about the tune for the chorus puts me in mind of the Mr Fantastic Fox film - the town battle near the end
21. Germany: Moldova's summoning ring succeeded. Bring on the guitars!
22. Lithuania: we've successfully banished whatever Moldova summoned. We think.
23. Israel: where's my unicorn!
24. Slovenia: welcome to club Carpe Diem
25. Croatia: what is this I don't even...
26. United Kingdom: we want to make it clear that we wrote a song
So Albania, Australia and Norway are providing the music for the boss battles while Serbia are in an actual boss battle, and Moldova's eldritch summoning succeeded. Whatever film/series/game this is the soundtrack for I want to know more.
Interval act 1: Måneskin! Catchy - I prefer this to their entry from last year.
Interval act 2: More Måneskin, with a very different style of song that I was not expecting.
Interlude: Like! Subscribe! Vote! Please! Neat greenscreen pun at the very end though.
Interval act 3: Aww.
Interludes: We seem to have a series of over-the-top documentaries of the Eurovision Stress Contest?
Inerval act 4: Only with all the musical genres can we summon our giant rainbow heart!
Interlude: They even have Eurovision watch parties in space!
And finally, it's time for the results with the wonderfully quaint "this is $capital calling" satellite linkups (well, these days it's probably not satellite, but it's still no small feat of organisation) - and good news: the UK will not end this evening on nil points, thanks to an initial 4 from the Netherlands. And then 12 from Ukraine, putting the UK somehow at the top of the leaderboard. And... somehow we're staying there, with country after country awarding the full 12 points. Anyway, over in Serbia, they're continuing to demonstrate how health and safety applies to summoning circles. Iceland decided the meme's run its course and didn't award any points to Jaja Ding Dong. Cyprus awarded their traditional 12 points to Greece, showing that bloc voting isn't entirely dead. Latvia's presenter has an epic headdress.
Well. As Graham Norton said they were expecting the UK to do well, but no-one expected an outright victory on the jury votes! It's not a cunning plan to make the UK pay by having to host next year's Eurovision contest, is it? On the other end of the scale commiserations to Germany for ending up with zero points - I would not have ranked them as the worst song of the night.
It's still all up for grabs with the televotes and past years have shown that those can and do change everything. This year they're revealing those scores in the order the jury vote put the countries on the leaderboard, with the UK being revealed last.
Germany is the first to be revealed, and they did at least get to not end on 0 points with a few points from the televote. Moldova did spectacularly well with 200-odd points from the televote showing that the viewers and the jury sometimes vehemently disagree on scoring. And Serbia has just dethroned the UK - for now.
(trending on Twitter in the UK right now: WHAT IS HAPPENING)
With 4 to go... I reckon it'll be Ukraine, Spain, or the UK, and probably not Sweden.
Ukraine just received a massive 439 points from the televote for a total of 631, which may very well be game.
And the winner is... Ukraine, in what must be at least partially a massive middle finger to Russia. Honourable mention to the UK which somehow defied everyone's expectations and came second!
Interval act 2: More Måneskin, with a very different style of song that I was not expecting.
Interlude: Like! Subscribe! Vote! Please! Neat greenscreen pun at the very end though.
Interval act 3: Aww.
Interludes: We seem to have a series of over-the-top documentaries of the Eurovision Stress Contest?
Inerval act 4: Only with all the musical genres can we summon our giant rainbow heart!
Interlude: They even have Eurovision watch parties in space!
And finally, it's time for the results with the wonderfully quaint "this is $capital calling" satellite linkups (well, these days it's probably not satellite, but it's still no small feat of organisation) - and good news: the UK will not end this evening on nil points, thanks to an initial 4 from the Netherlands. And then 12 from Ukraine, putting the UK somehow at the top of the leaderboard. And... somehow we're staying there, with country after country awarding the full 12 points. Anyway, over in Serbia, they're continuing to demonstrate how health and safety applies to summoning circles. Iceland decided the meme's run its course and didn't award any points to Jaja Ding Dong. Cyprus awarded their traditional 12 points to Greece, showing that bloc voting isn't entirely dead. Latvia's presenter has an epic headdress.
Well. As Graham Norton said they were expecting the UK to do well, but no-one expected an outright victory on the jury votes! It's not a cunning plan to make the UK pay by having to host next year's Eurovision contest, is it? On the other end of the scale commiserations to Germany for ending up with zero points - I would not have ranked them as the worst song of the night.
It's still all up for grabs with the televotes and past years have shown that those can and do change everything. This year they're revealing those scores in the order the jury vote put the countries on the leaderboard, with the UK being revealed last.
Germany is the first to be revealed, and they did at least get to not end on 0 points with a few points from the televote. Moldova did spectacularly well with 200-odd points from the televote showing that the viewers and the jury sometimes vehemently disagree on scoring. And Serbia has just dethroned the UK - for now.
(trending on Twitter in the UK right now: WHAT IS HAPPENING)
With 4 to go... I reckon it'll be Ukraine, Spain, or the UK, and probably not Sweden.
Ukraine just received a massive 439 points from the televote for a total of 631, which may very well be game.
And the winner is... Ukraine, in what must be at least partially a massive middle finger to Russia. Honourable mention to the UK which somehow defied everyone's expectations and came second!
Bring it on!
Anyone else getting Queen vibes from the rhythm of the intro? We will we will rock you~ - which feels appropriate given last year's winners. And now we've moved inside, but apparently we can only use one set of lights at a time? The red song seems oddly Ghost in the Shell esque with the visors and gloves.
The flag parade is new, though I'm slightly concerned that the backing dancers all appear to be wearing full goggles and fire suits. Are they expecting the light pole things to spontaneously combust?
This year's postcard theme: ridiculously cute drones with lasers!
1. Czech Republic: We use the power of retro synths and all the lights to destroy statues or something?
2. Romania: Very red.
3. Portugal: Our eldritch summoning ring has mastered summoning... fog!
4. Finland: A band I've actually heard of! I didn't know they were still going - I first came across The Rasmus back in 6th Form. Anyway, hold on tightly to your balloon so you can engage in balloon-to-balloon combat!
5. Switzerland: Aww.
Interlude: terrible dad jokes
6. France: Another ritual summoning... for gangnam style techno beats?
7. Norway: What is this madness I don't even
8. Armenia: If we cover the exit with post-its then maybe no-one will find it?
Interlude: don't worry, we've got a sign language interpreter for the dad jokes!
9. Italy: My song! No, my song!
10. Spain: Very sparkly
11. Netherlands: Aww.
12. Ukraine: Yet more ritual summoning, this time succeeding at summoning breakdancing rappers!
Interlude: the first rule of the green room is you don't talk about the green room
13. Germany: Fine, I'll perform the entire song on my own.
14. Lithuania: Very retro.
15. Azerbaijan: Watch where you aim your emotional breakdown!
16. Belgium: Meh
Interlude: please like and subscribe and buy our stuff
17. Greece: Phew, found the one chair that hasn't melted.
18.Iceland: Surprise country and western entry!
19. Moldova: Hey, ho, let's dance! I've missed this brand of Eurovision madness
20. Sweden: Another emotional breakdown?
Interlude: the green room's not safe for the presenters!
21. Australia: Delivering wisdom of the ancients from the bottom of the stairs?
Interlude: we've snuck in an extra
22. United Kingdom: We searched the universe and found an electric guitar!
Interlude: hey, ho, let's dance! And apparently forget which countries are taking part?
23. Poland: Oops, I seem to have summoned sea monsters!
24. Serbia: Our ritual summoning follows all health and safety guidance
25. Estonia: I'm here for the guitar duel - where's my opponent?
So, to recap: Portugal, France, Ukraine, Poland and Serbia are competing for the best ritual summoning, several artists seem to have had some sort of emotional breakdown, Moldova are bringing the barn dance, and Norway are bringing complete and utter madness. My favourites from the night are Moldova, France, and Estonia.
Anyone else getting Queen vibes from the rhythm of the intro? We will we will rock you~ - which feels appropriate given last year's winners. And now we've moved inside, but apparently we can only use one set of lights at a time? The red song seems oddly Ghost in the Shell esque with the visors and gloves.
The flag parade is new, though I'm slightly concerned that the backing dancers all appear to be wearing full goggles and fire suits. Are they expecting the light pole things to spontaneously combust?
This year's postcard theme: ridiculously cute drones with lasers!
1. Czech Republic: We use the power of retro synths and all the lights to destroy statues or something?
2. Romania: Very red.
3. Portugal: Our eldritch summoning ring has mastered summoning... fog!
4. Finland: A band I've actually heard of! I didn't know they were still going - I first came across The Rasmus back in 6th Form. Anyway, hold on tightly to your balloon so you can engage in balloon-to-balloon combat!
5. Switzerland: Aww.
Interlude: terrible dad jokes
6. France: Another ritual summoning... for gangnam style techno beats?
7. Norway: What is this madness I don't even
8. Armenia: If we cover the exit with post-its then maybe no-one will find it?
Interlude: don't worry, we've got a sign language interpreter for the dad jokes!
9. Italy: My song! No, my song!
10. Spain: Very sparkly
11. Netherlands: Aww.
12. Ukraine: Yet more ritual summoning, this time succeeding at summoning breakdancing rappers!
Interlude: the first rule of the green room is you don't talk about the green room
13. Germany: Fine, I'll perform the entire song on my own.
14. Lithuania: Very retro.
15. Azerbaijan: Watch where you aim your emotional breakdown!
16. Belgium: Meh
Interlude: please like and subscribe and buy our stuff
17. Greece: Phew, found the one chair that hasn't melted.
18.Iceland: Surprise country and western entry!
19. Moldova: Hey, ho, let's dance! I've missed this brand of Eurovision madness
20. Sweden: Another emotional breakdown?
Interlude: the green room's not safe for the presenters!
21. Australia: Delivering wisdom of the ancients from the bottom of the stairs?
Interlude: we've snuck in an extra
22. United Kingdom: We searched the universe and found an electric guitar!
Interlude: hey, ho, let's dance! And apparently forget which countries are taking part?
23. Poland: Oops, I seem to have summoned sea monsters!
24. Serbia: Our ritual summoning follows all health and safety guidance
25. Estonia: I'm here for the guitar duel - where's my opponent?
So, to recap: Portugal, France, Ukraine, Poland and Serbia are competing for the best ritual summoning, several artists seem to have had some sort of emotional breakdown, Moldova are bringing the barn dance, and Norway are bringing complete and utter madness. My favourites from the night are Moldova, France, and Estonia.
Yes! It's that time of year again, and this time it's Eurovision for reals!
For a change we don't open with a reprise of the reigning champion, but instead we've got a parade of the contestants set to a fairly catchy dance track - and to the surprise of the UK's resident snarkmeister Graham Norton, the hosts sing!
This year's country intro theme: wireframe huts showcasing the Netherlands! They've picked some very eclectic locations... Cyprus got a set of grain bins. Russia has spherical 70's "modern housing". Greece gets an observatory. Spain... a giant sandpit? And San Marino get to showcase a UFO-esque building? The Netherlands has some weird architecture.
1. Cyprus: Very red.
2. Albania: Smoke! More smoke! ALL THE SMOKE!
3. Israel: A sort of punk Tron/Blade Runner theme? And wow, that high note at the end.
4. Belgium: We'll play your backing track if we must. Very moody.
5. Russia: Help I'm trapped in a giant dress! Very powerful message - it reminded me of Björk's Declare Independence.
6. Malta: All the jazz hands!
7. Portugal: Interesting - this did not go how I expected. Not quite as good as their epic win though.
8. Serbia: Very Eurovisiony - they've even got the obligatory key change at the end.
Interlude: We shall ask previous winners the important question of where do they keep their trophies... and how often they clean it?
9. United Kingdom: I'm rather disappointed that the giant trumpets didn't actually do anything.
10. Greece: Dance dance dance! We even have literal dancing clothes (with one of the more innovative uses of greenscreen)!
11. Switzerland: This feels like modern art in music form. Quite catchy.
12. Iceland: Eurovision, in space..., in the eighties? Complete with keytars of all things.
13. Spain: Nonono, this is how you do Eurovision in space.
14. Moldova: We're trapped in a maze of wireframe cubes.
15. Germany: What. I mean, there's a decent message in that song... and there's also a dancing hand.
16. Finland: Angry Eurovision! Nice guitar-fu.
Interlude: let's ambush the commentators!
17. Bulgaria: Wow. Simple, and yet so emotional.
18. Lithuania: The disco made me do it!
19. Ukraine: So we've got a Tron/Narnia crossover... with a goth Queen Jadis?
20. France: Wow. This was an angry ballad.
21. Azerbaijan: We've discovered... fire!
22. Norway: Angels and demons!
23. The Netherlands: Nice.
24. Italy: Meh.
25. Sweden: All the flashing lights!
26. San Marino: Catchy, and completely bonkers!
And that's the lot! I'm torn between Russia, Finland, Bulgaria and France as a favourite, Greece know how to use a greenscreen, Israel and Ukraine are competing for the best Tron crossover, and Iceland are stuck in the eighties.
Interval act 1: If you pick the right tram... everyone will start spontaneously dancing! Next stop: Eurovision!
Interval act 2: How to Eurovision! Remember, it's just chaos, we're Europe, we're used to it 🤣
Interval act 3: What happens if you get the Eurovision taxi!
Interval act 4: Trolls! I still maintain Lordi are the ultimate Eurovision winner - at the time it was such an unexpected entry, and they shattered the then record for most points scored.
Interval act 5: Awww.
Interval act... 6? Okay, a mini-act for the countdown! I'm slightly disappointed that they didn't go with Europe's (yes, that is what the band is called) The Final Countdown.
On to the results, and the traditional "This is $capital calling" live linkups for the jury votes. And Poland's presenter is wearing a zebra costume? With gloves? Moving on... props to Austria for the Equality slogan. And here in the UK we've tried to one-up Portugal with a what is this madness outfit. Aww, Greece's presenter is only ten! Moldova have decided to deliver their results via saxophone? Iceland want to award their 12 points to Jaja Ding Dong? Wtf happened to Sweden's presenter?
So Switzerland have won the jury vote, while unfortunately the UK has thoroughly lost with the traditional nul points from the jury votes. I think this was another year where we had a merely an OK entry. And wow, we didn't get any point from the phone vote either? Harsh, dude.
This is unusual - four countries have received no televoting points, and the points being handed out are surprisingly low (fourteen are <100) given past years. Lithuania is the first to break the 100 point mark, and Finland to get past 200 (and first place for now). With eight to go, Ukraine have jumped to first place for now - but I reckon someone could get ~400 points from a public vote. Iceland have just scraped into first with four left. Now it's Italy with three left, but I reckon any of the three left plus Italy could win.
And the winner is... Italy, looking completely overwhelmed by their win!
For a change we don't open with a reprise of the reigning champion, but instead we've got a parade of the contestants set to a fairly catchy dance track - and to the surprise of the UK's resident snarkmeister Graham Norton, the hosts sing!
This year's country intro theme: wireframe huts showcasing the Netherlands! They've picked some very eclectic locations... Cyprus got a set of grain bins. Russia has spherical 70's "modern housing". Greece gets an observatory. Spain... a giant sandpit? And San Marino get to showcase a UFO-esque building? The Netherlands has some weird architecture.
1. Cyprus: Very red.
2. Albania: Smoke! More smoke! ALL THE SMOKE!
3. Israel: A sort of punk Tron/Blade Runner theme? And wow, that high note at the end.
4. Belgium: We'll play your backing track if we must. Very moody.
5. Russia: Help I'm trapped in a giant dress! Very powerful message - it reminded me of Björk's Declare Independence.
6. Malta: All the jazz hands!
7. Portugal: Interesting - this did not go how I expected. Not quite as good as their epic win though.
8. Serbia: Very Eurovisiony - they've even got the obligatory key change at the end.
Interlude: We shall ask previous winners the important question of where do they keep their trophies... and how often they clean it?
9. United Kingdom: I'm rather disappointed that the giant trumpets didn't actually do anything.
10. Greece: Dance dance dance! We even have literal dancing clothes (with one of the more innovative uses of greenscreen)!
11. Switzerland: This feels like modern art in music form. Quite catchy.
12. Iceland: Eurovision, in space..., in the eighties? Complete with keytars of all things.
13. Spain: Nonono, this is how you do Eurovision in space.
14. Moldova: We're trapped in a maze of wireframe cubes.
15. Germany: What. I mean, there's a decent message in that song... and there's also a dancing hand.
16. Finland: Angry Eurovision! Nice guitar-fu.
Interlude: let's ambush the commentators!
17. Bulgaria: Wow. Simple, and yet so emotional.
18. Lithuania: The disco made me do it!
19. Ukraine: So we've got a Tron/Narnia crossover... with a goth Queen Jadis?
20. France: Wow. This was an angry ballad.
21. Azerbaijan: We've discovered... fire!
22. Norway: Angels and demons!
23. The Netherlands: Nice.
24. Italy: Meh.
25. Sweden: All the flashing lights!
26. San Marino: Catchy, and completely bonkers!
And that's the lot! I'm torn between Russia, Finland, Bulgaria and France as a favourite, Greece know how to use a greenscreen, Israel and Ukraine are competing for the best Tron crossover, and Iceland are stuck in the eighties.
Interval act 1: If you pick the right tram... everyone will start spontaneously dancing! Next stop: Eurovision!
Interval act 2: How to Eurovision! Remember, it's just chaos, we're Europe, we're used to it 🤣
Interval act 3: What happens if you get the Eurovision taxi!
Interval act 4: Trolls! I still maintain Lordi are the ultimate Eurovision winner - at the time it was such an unexpected entry, and they shattered the then record for most points scored.
Interval act 5: Awww.
Interval act... 6? Okay, a mini-act for the countdown! I'm slightly disappointed that they didn't go with Europe's (yes, that is what the band is called) The Final Countdown.
On to the results, and the traditional "This is $capital calling" live linkups for the jury votes. And Poland's presenter is wearing a zebra costume? With gloves? Moving on... props to Austria for the Equality slogan. And here in the UK we've tried to one-up Portugal with a what is this madness outfit. Aww, Greece's presenter is only ten! Moldova have decided to deliver their results via saxophone? Iceland want to award their 12 points to Jaja Ding Dong? Wtf happened to Sweden's presenter?
So Switzerland have won the jury vote, while unfortunately the UK has thoroughly lost with the traditional nul points from the jury votes. I think this was another year where we had a merely an OK entry. And wow, we didn't get any point from the phone vote either? Harsh, dude.
This is unusual - four countries have received no televoting points, and the points being handed out are surprisingly low (fourteen are <100) given past years. Lithuania is the first to break the 100 point mark, and Finland to get past 200 (and first place for now). With eight to go, Ukraine have jumped to first place for now - but I reckon someone could get ~400 points from a public vote. Iceland have just scraped into first with four left. Now it's Italy with three left, but I reckon any of the three left plus Italy could win.
And the winner is... Italy, looking completely overwhelmed by their win!
Not even the Coronavirus can stop the madness that is the Eurovision Song Contest! The official console has been cancelled, so instead we've got "Eurovision: Europe Shine a Light" which is a collection of the performances that we would have had if the contest was going ahead as normal.
And, of course, another highly inaccurate liveblog!
We begin with... a wall of Zoom streams telling us it's another year?
Oh, it's going to be rapid-fire songs with 30seconds of each one, followed by a (sometimes very heartwarming) message from the artists. Get ready!
Interlude time!
First up: an acoustic version of "Heroes" from 2015. This was impressive enough when it won, but somehow the unplugged version is better. And the NHS (and everyone else helping to keep the world turning) are very much the heroes of our time.
The next song... something about this really sounds like it's a Christmas carol of all things. And finally a bit of guitar playing that's all Italian to me. Impressive Italian, to be fair.
Interlude time!
Serbia get to re-run their 2007 win, carefully socially distancing in the middle of the road. Followed by another zoom video wall, with most playing but the occasional stream of someone looking awkwardly at the screen waiting for their cue as landmarks dramatically switch the lights on
And we get an extra special interlude (because the BBC doesn't do commercials), with a collection of Eurovision party photos.
Interlude time!
Unlike Serbia, Germany's 1982 entry has been moved inside. To the middle of a staircase because why not?
Interlude time!
What, no lucky cats? Very different to the usual Netta performances.
Netherlands now with last year's success. And they're scrounged up the EU's entire stock of tungsten lightbulbs for the set design.
And now a collection of short messages from past winners and runner-ups. But no trolls?
And that's all 41! There's no voting, which means no winner but more importantly no "nil points" for UK!
Instead our very own Graham Norton is put on the spotlight (on the UK commentary, after the interview he said "God that was awkward!"). Finally we end with yet another classic rerun - this time a rare UK win from 1997.
Until next year!
And, of course, another highly inaccurate liveblog!
We begin with... a wall of Zoom streams telling us it's another year?
Oh, it's going to be rapid-fire songs with 30seconds of each one, followed by a (sometimes very heartwarming) message from the artists. Get ready!
- Israel: Very orange
- Norway: Checking all the power ballad boxes here - sparkles, fire, smoke, the works
- Russia: What is this madness?
- Georgia: Another power ballad - this one with something of a film noir style?
- France: Nice and laid-back compared to the last few
- Azerbaijan: Ah, they've found the wind machine in the desert, guarded by a mysterious cult
- Portugal: Shoulders of power!
- Lithuania: Wave those hands!
- Sweden: Everybody move like this
Interlude time!
First up: an acoustic version of "Heroes" from 2015. This was impressive enough when it won, but somehow the unplugged version is better. And the NHS (and everyone else helping to keep the world turning) are very much the heroes of our time.
The next song... something about this really sounds like it's a Christmas carol of all things. And finally a bit of guitar playing that's all Italian to me. Impressive Italian, to be fair.
- Latvia: The future of silver service: precisely arranged carrots and broccoli
- Belgium: That looks like one very puzzled guitar player
- United Kingdom: Striding through a snowy forest because reasons or something
- Belarus: Oops, we forgot the background video
- Finland: Very red
- North Macedonia: Auditioning for Strictly
- Switzerland: Why have I got a piano? Why!
- Serbia: Bring on the clone army!
Interlude time!
Serbia get to re-run their 2007 win, carefully socially distancing in the middle of the road. Followed by another zoom video wall, with most playing but the occasional stream of someone looking awkwardly at the screen waiting for their cue as landmarks dramatically switch the lights on
And we get an extra special interlude (because the BBC doesn't do commercials), with a collection of Eurovision party photos.
- Spain: We found the BBC quarry!
- Albania: Very white
- Ireland: It's the story of my life! No, really, here's some old camcorder videos!
- Solvenia: See, King Canute would have succeeded if he had a backing track
- Austria: Are you sure we booked the right location?
- Bulgaria: Thunderstorm? What thunderstorm?
- San Marino: Bring back the nineties! With lasers!
- Iceland: Erm... just dance or something?
Interlude time!
Unlike Serbia, Germany's 1982 entry has been moved inside. To the middle of a staircase because why not?
- Greece: I must only use my superpowers for important things, like saving cats from trees
- Czech Republic: What happens if I touch the beam?
- Poland: ALL THE FIRE
- Moldova: Oops, I seem to have double-booked a photoshoot
- Cyprus: Keep on running
- Romania: Very blue
- Croatia: Are there words, or just random syllables?
- Germany: Don't get too close to the portal
Interlude time!
What, no lucky cats? Very different to the usual Netta performances.
Netherlands now with last year's success. And they're scrounged up the EU's entire stock of tungsten lightbulbs for the set design.
And now a collection of short messages from past winners and runner-ups. But no trolls?
- Malta: We can't decide if we want a water or a fire theme... so both, then?
- Estonia: We couldn't get any lightbulbs so will have to make do with candles
- Australia: The hands are coming to get you!
- Ukraine: Somehow, this seems like the most Eurovision-like entry this evening
- Denmark: Say YES!
- Italy: Did we remember to send the tickets out?
- Armenia: Unusual style for Eurovision. Confident though.
- Netherlands: Awww
And that's all 41! There's no voting, which means no winner but more importantly no "nil points" for UK!
Instead our very own Graham Norton is put on the spotlight (on the UK commentary, after the interview he said "God that was awkward!"). Finally we end with yet another classic rerun - this time a rare UK win from 1997.
Until next year!
It's Eurovision Song Contest time again, which means another highly inaccurate liveblog!
So if you win the Eurovision Song Contest, you get to land a jumbo jet at the studio using drones for runway lights? Someone's been watching past British entries for inspiration (a few years ago our entry was a very over-the-top cheesy aircraft safety briefing - not our finest moment)...
This year's theme appears to be triangles and dancing - triangular shapes everywhere, and dancing is actually required for the video postcards. Anyway, on with the songs!
And that's the lot! So to sum up, my favourites are Albania, North Macedonia, Norway and Serbia, Russia are trying too hard, Malta actually know how hard to try, and Cyprus and Iceland are trying their luck with NSFW entries.
Interval act 1: past contestants perform each other songs, continuing with the borderline-NSFW outfit theme. I think this is one of the strangest interval acts I've seen...
Interval act 2: bit of an odd collection of genres and instruments. Seemed a bit short and underwhelming though.
Interval act 2.5: okay, that's a nifty trick.
Interval act 3: other benefits of winning Eurovision: getting to go to the ball and rap about bananas.
Interval act 4: gothic steampunk pirate Madonna? Accompanied by monks wearing gas masks with flowers of all things. I take it back - this is more weird than the first interval act was. Oddly, the dancers in black remind me of the witch's assistants from the Howl's Moving Castle film...
Anyway, the lines are now closed and it's time for the results! I do find it wonderfully quaint, all the live links and the "This is $capital calling" greetings as each country announces their jury votes. Even today, getting all the satellite linkups together must be quite the achievement. Surprisingly Malta have not given the UK any points (for many years they gave UK the full score in protest at the traditional bloc voting). The Netherlands' presenter is over the moon to have been chosen to take part. Yay, Norway have given us 2 points so we are not on "nul point"! Romania have chosen to yodel their points? Someone has let the Russian presenter loose on a piano. Greece have decided to up things by deploying an electric guitar.
So with all the jury votes in, it's surprisingly close with no runaway winner. Sweden is leading, with North Macedonia, The Netherlands, and Italy not far behind. And unsurprisingly the UK is almost (but not quite) bringing up the rear - our entry this year wasn't bad, just nothing special.
On to the phone votes! There's an awful lot of points up for grabs, so theoretically anyone could still win it. I think they've changed the order though - last year I think they went from lowest score from the phone votes, this year they're going by the order the jury ranked them. And the UK is quite definitely last with 3 points from the phone vote, giving us 16 total. At least we didn't get the fewest public - Germany are ahead of us, but got nul point from the public! Now Norway have just been catapulted into first with 200 points - they're unlikely to win, but that just goes to show how different the juries and the public think. The public also like Iceland a lot, but only enough to put them into 4th (for now). And Russia's performance was popular too.
With 5 to go, I don't think it's possible to call it with the new announcement order. With 3 to go there's still 4 possible winners - Italy, Sweden, North Macedonia or The Netherlands (oddly the same top 4 after the jury votes).
With 1 to go... aww, North Macedonia didn't get anywhere near enough from the public. So it's The Netherlands or Sweden. I think it's The Netherlands - the points seemed more equally distributed this year and Sweden need over 250.
The winner is... The Netherlands! And with that, g'night!
So if you win the Eurovision Song Contest, you get to land a jumbo jet at the studio using drones for runway lights? Someone's been watching past British entries for inspiration (a few years ago our entry was a very over-the-top cheesy aircraft safety briefing - not our finest moment)...
This year's theme appears to be triangles and dancing - triangular shapes everywhere, and dancing is actually required for the video postcards. Anyway, on with the songs!
- Malta: Okay, that's quite neat. Incredibly gimmicky, but neat nonetheless and one of the better uses of video projection I've seen.
- Albania: Impressive.
- Czech Republic: Cue the slightly mad drummer to provide backing for a life story. Reminds me a bit of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song...
- Germany: Aww... though at times the vocals seem somehow off.
- Russia: And their singer has got lost in a hall of mirrors before being trapped in a shower. This might be best described as "trying too hard with special effects".
- Denmark: Aww
- San Marino: Word soup lyrics? Oddly enough, there was a recent article on training AI to come up with Eurovision lyrics, and the result was similar word soup...
- North Macedonia: Wow.
- Sweden: Meh.
- Slovenia: Lost in their own little world
- Cyprus: Um. I wonder if this was carefully timed to be post-watershed what with the clingfilm-and-gaffer-tape outfit?
- Netherlands: Decent entry.
- Greece: Sword ballet?
- Israel: Oddly enough, this makes me think of an Andrew Lloyd-Webber musical...
- Norway: I rather like this one.
- United Kingdom: We wish to make it very clear that the universe is big.
And we now have an interlude with interviews around an ironing board? Okay... - Iceland: They are aware that this is Eurovision and not a death metal nightclub, right? And is that singing, or just white noise?
- Estonia: Apparently it's stormy out or something?
- Belarus: You do know you're supposed to take the smoke machines out of the flight cases first?
- Azerbaijan: So this is how the robot uprising begins...
- France: Sometimes, one just has to make a point with a sledgehammer.
- Italy: I think this is also trying to make a point?
- Serbia: Okay, that's good.
- Switzerland: Meh.
- Australia: Ringwraiths vs Elsa boss battle? No, wait, they're just doing scarecrow impressions.
- Spain: Quick, escape from the dolls house!
And that's the lot! So to sum up, my favourites are Albania, North Macedonia, Norway and Serbia, Russia are trying too hard, Malta actually know how hard to try, and Cyprus and Iceland are trying their luck with NSFW entries.
Interval act 1: past contestants perform each other songs, continuing with the borderline-NSFW outfit theme. I think this is one of the strangest interval acts I've seen...
Interval act 2: bit of an odd collection of genres and instruments. Seemed a bit short and underwhelming though.
Interval act 2.5: okay, that's a nifty trick.
Interval act 3: other benefits of winning Eurovision: getting to go to the ball and rap about bananas.
Interval act 4: gothic steampunk pirate Madonna? Accompanied by monks wearing gas masks with flowers of all things. I take it back - this is more weird than the first interval act was. Oddly, the dancers in black remind me of the witch's assistants from the Howl's Moving Castle film...
Anyway, the lines are now closed and it's time for the results! I do find it wonderfully quaint, all the live links and the "This is $capital calling" greetings as each country announces their jury votes. Even today, getting all the satellite linkups together must be quite the achievement. Surprisingly Malta have not given the UK any points (for many years they gave UK the full score in protest at the traditional bloc voting). The Netherlands' presenter is over the moon to have been chosen to take part. Yay, Norway have given us 2 points so we are not on "nul point"! Romania have chosen to yodel their points? Someone has let the Russian presenter loose on a piano. Greece have decided to up things by deploying an electric guitar.
So with all the jury votes in, it's surprisingly close with no runaway winner. Sweden is leading, with North Macedonia, The Netherlands, and Italy not far behind. And unsurprisingly the UK is almost (but not quite) bringing up the rear - our entry this year wasn't bad, just nothing special.
On to the phone votes! There's an awful lot of points up for grabs, so theoretically anyone could still win it. I think they've changed the order though - last year I think they went from lowest score from the phone votes, this year they're going by the order the jury ranked them. And the UK is quite definitely last with 3 points from the phone vote, giving us 16 total. At least we didn't get the fewest public - Germany are ahead of us, but got nul point from the public! Now Norway have just been catapulted into first with 200 points - they're unlikely to win, but that just goes to show how different the juries and the public think. The public also like Iceland a lot, but only enough to put them into 4th (for now). And Russia's performance was popular too.
With 5 to go, I don't think it's possible to call it with the new announcement order. With 3 to go there's still 4 possible winners - Italy, Sweden, North Macedonia or The Netherlands (oddly the same top 4 after the jury votes).
With 1 to go... aww, North Macedonia didn't get anywhere near enough from the public. So it's The Netherlands or Sweden. I think it's The Netherlands - the points seemed more equally distributed this year and Sweden need over 250.
The winner is... The Netherlands! And with that, g'night!
Yes, it's time for another instalment of me liveblogging my highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest Final! This time round there's only £1 riding on it ($work has expanded over the year and so we only get one country each) - I picked France out of the hat, so while I'm not going to win I doubt I'll lose and so should at least avoid the forfeit of having my office ringtone set to a past Eurovision winner.
Anyway, it's time for the show, the pseudo-liveblog, and as always the snark!
I'm not sure what I was expecting as the intro but an acoustic performance wasn't it - though it was very good. I definitely didn't expect the followup pair of DJs with a turntable - or the olympics-esque flag parade!
For a change, they don't have a video wall this year. Instead there's a pattern of arches and pillars with some sort of projection or LED setup - it'll be interesting to see if anyone makes proper use of them.
This year's theme appears to be vampires, zombies and werewolves - even the presenters have picked up on it! As a friend on FB put it "I have seen nothing yet to dissuade me that Eurovision is the one night a year Europe’s vampire get to come out and play."
So to sum up my favourites are Estonia, the United Kingdom, and Denmark. In other news Ukraine is apparently populated by vampires, Israel managed to fend off the Czech Republic for the "what is this madness" trophy, and Moldova win the inaugural comedy award.
Interval act 1: I have no idea what's going on here, other than it does all seem very laid back.
Interval act 2: A short documentary on Portugal's Eurovision history. Viva la Eurovision revolution!
Interval act 3: I don't think I've ever seen someone use a piano as a drum before.
On to the voting, with the traditional "This is $city calling" greetings from around the world as each country phones in with the votes from their official juries. Which are totally awarded on merit and have nothing to do with European politics at all... anyway, Latvia has given the UK some points! This will not be a nul point year! Watching the jury results come in, it does seem like they can't make their minds up. With all the jury votes in it's a tie between Austria and Sweden for the lead, with Israel, Germany, and Cyprus in the running for 3rd place... and France is somewhere in the top half. I don't think I'll be getting my £1 wager back :P
Time for the phone votes! My recollection is there's quite possibly 300-odd points up for grabs for the winner, so it could all change. ...And it just has, with Sweden, placed #2 by the jury, coming in the bottom few from the televote. That just goes to show how little the juries actually know :) Now Austria's been placed somewhere in the middle by the televote, so neither of the jury favourites are going to win.
With the top 8 to go, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict Israel as the ultimate winners just because of how bonkers it is.
Interestingly Denmark's still in the running, and the juries panned it... but the televote's just ranked them 5th.
With the top 3 to go, I doubt Italy can manage it so it's a fight between Israel and Cyprus.
And the final result... Israel! Madness for the win!
Anyway, it's time for the show, the pseudo-liveblog, and as always the snark!
I'm not sure what I was expecting as the intro but an acoustic performance wasn't it - though it was very good. I definitely didn't expect the followup pair of DJs with a turntable - or the olympics-esque flag parade!
For a change, they don't have a video wall this year. Instead there's a pattern of arches and pillars with some sort of projection or LED setup - it'll be interesting to see if anyone makes proper use of them.
- Ukraine: ...So we have a vampire with a coffin that turns into a piano that's on fire. What.
- Spain: And we go from Ukraine's madness to an incredibly sweet piece performed by a couple on a an empty stage. Proof that you don't need a special effects budget to achieve a great performance.
- Slovenia: Audience participation time! Which is totally spontaneous and not planned at all :P
- Lithuania: Surely it's cheating to mix images into the video feed? That aside, another simple but good song.
- Austria: Meh. Good, but not my cup of tea.
- Estonia: Wow. Someone who can really sing, combined with a shiny new special effect - projecting video onto a giant dress. Colour me impressed.
- Norway: It's Mr. Bean with an invisible violin/drum kit/guitar/keyboard - oh wait, he has an actual violin. Not convinced he's actually playing it.
- Portugal: I rather like this one.
- United Kingdom: WTF happened there - it looked like a protester grabbed her mic and started yelling something incomprehensible (the Twittersphere thinks it was an anti-UK-media rant?). Full marks to SuRie for keeping going through that! Stage-crashers aside I did quite like that song.
- Serbia: The intro to this one reminds me a little of the opening theme from Ghost in the Shell. Not sure about the rest of it - I don't think the techno-like beats work with it.
- Germany: So the solution to not having a video wall is to bring your own. Again, surely that's cheating.
- Albania: Meh.
- France: Awww.
- Czech Republic: What is this madness?
- Denmark: The vikings have discovered Eurovision and wish to point out how badass they are through the power of wind and snow machines.
- Australia: Meh.
- Finland: What.
- Bulgaria: You fail at statue impressions :P
- Moldova: What is this, a comedy show? I don't know what that was but it was very silly.
- Sweden: Meh.
- Hungary: Rock on, dudes, rock on! Complete with crowd surfing and the obligatory Eurovision Final Chorus Key Change.
- Israel: ...And now we have beatboxing with lots of pink clothing. And a couple of bookcases full of lucky cats because why not?
- Netherlands: Apparently their drummer can only be trusted with one drum... and an invisible cymbal :P
- Ireland: Awww.
- Cyprus: Meh.
- Italy: Meh
This year's theme appears to be vampires, zombies and werewolves - even the presenters have picked up on it! As a friend on FB put it "I have seen nothing yet to dissuade me that Eurovision is the one night a year Europe’s vampire get to come out and play."
So to sum up my favourites are Estonia, the United Kingdom, and Denmark. In other news Ukraine is apparently populated by vampires, Israel managed to fend off the Czech Republic for the "what is this madness" trophy, and Moldova win the inaugural comedy award.
Interval act 1: I have no idea what's going on here, other than it does all seem very laid back.
Interval act 2: A short documentary on Portugal's Eurovision history. Viva la Eurovision revolution!
Interval act 3: I don't think I've ever seen someone use a piano as a drum before.
On to the voting, with the traditional "This is $city calling" greetings from around the world as each country phones in with the votes from their official juries. Which are totally awarded on merit and have nothing to do with European politics at all... anyway, Latvia has given the UK some points! This will not be a nul point year! Watching the jury results come in, it does seem like they can't make their minds up. With all the jury votes in it's a tie between Austria and Sweden for the lead, with Israel, Germany, and Cyprus in the running for 3rd place... and France is somewhere in the top half. I don't think I'll be getting my £1 wager back :P
Time for the phone votes! My recollection is there's quite possibly 300-odd points up for grabs for the winner, so it could all change. ...And it just has, with Sweden, placed #2 by the jury, coming in the bottom few from the televote. That just goes to show how little the juries actually know :) Now Austria's been placed somewhere in the middle by the televote, so neither of the jury favourites are going to win.
With the top 8 to go, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict Israel as the ultimate winners just because of how bonkers it is.
Interestingly Denmark's still in the running, and the juries panned it... but the televote's just ranked them 5th.
With the top 3 to go, I doubt Italy can manage it so it's a fight between Israel and Cyprus.
And the final result... Israel! Madness for the win!
Anyway, enough disappointment about how these days LiveJournal's more interested in third-party advertisers than their userbase (that said, they do at least offer the option of paying to remove ads - that's more than Facebook does!).
Instead, it's time for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
boggyb's highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2017 Final! Yes, it's that time of year again wherein us Brits get to collectively snark at the artistic endeavours of Europe. This year $work's decided to run an office sweepstake and so I have a whole £2 running on it - so let's hope Romania or Norway does well.
So, on with the show, the pseudo-liveblog, and most importantly the snark!
This years theme: glitter and sparkles, judging by the flag intro and the presenter's outfits.
Overall I enjoyed Armenia and Norway, Portugal's entry is pure understated awesome (it's rather like an inverse Lordi), and Belarus wins the WTF award. I struggled a bit to pick favourites this year - Denmark, Poland and United Kingdom I almost really liked, but they're let down by harsh vocals which is a shame. Portugal aside, this year's collection seemed somewhat underwhelming and few songs really grabbed me - or perhaps it was that last year had some particularly good and epic entries in it.
And as for my £2, well I'm not holding out much hope but you never know (after all the bonkers entries have been known to win - like the Russian grannies from a few years back...).
First interval act: pretty decent.
Second interval act: interesting mix of modern synths and traditional instruments. And whatever bizarre (possibly made-up) drum-with-a-tail thing they've got in the middle. Overall I rather like it.
Third interval act: um... well someone apparently wanted their 5 seconds of TV fame. Full marks to the singer for carrying on regardless, but nil points to whoever was on the TV mixing desk and failed to switch away. Interruption aside, a reasonable song though I preferred her Eurovision entry last year.
( Time for the voting! )
Instead, it's time for
boggyb's highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2017 Final! Yes, it's that time of year again wherein us Brits get to collectively snark at the artistic endeavours of Europe. This year $work's decided to run an office sweepstake and so I have a whole £2 running on it - so let's hope Romania or Norway does well.So, on with the show, the pseudo-liveblog, and most importantly the snark!
This years theme: glitter and sparkles, judging by the flag intro and the presenter's outfits.
- Israel: Good opening act. Mini-rant: is it just me, or is there practically no bass in the sound mix? I recall the past couple of years having similar sound mixes.
- Poland: Almost a good one. I think it would work better with more singing and less shouting. Did like the Freedom birds though.
- Belarus: What.
- Austria: Pretty background video, meh song.
- Armenia: Interesting. The choreography has a certain style to it that is so often lacking.
- The Netherlands: Female barbershop triplet with surprise electric guitar!
- Moldova: Microphone flower bouquets? Okay...
- Hungary: I see they've gone the traditional dress route - at least, I'm assuming this is traditional dress and not merely excessive gold braid.
- Italy: Surprise dancing gorilla with a bow-tie! Otherwise, meh song, decent (if incomprehensible) video.
- Denmark: I rather like this one.
- Portugal: Wow. Just wow.
- Azerbaijan: Not quite sure what to make of this. Seems like a macabre goth song... except somehow not.
- Croatia: Meh.
- Australia: Meh.
- Greece: Um...
- Spain: A nice upbeat song.
- Norway: Daft Punk lite!
- United Kingdom: Almost an excellent entry - I don't like the way the vocals become a bit harsh when she tries to put too much power into them.
- Cyprus: Full marks for use of the floor video display.
- Romania: Bonkers combination, but it seems to work. Slightly disappointed that the cannons didn't do anything.
- Germany: Meh.
- Ukraine: It's Andross!
- Belgium: Hmm. This one has potential.
- Sweden: Ok Go! Except nowhere near as convoluted.
- Bulgaria: Surprisingly good.
- France: Stunning background video, meh song.
Overall I enjoyed Armenia and Norway, Portugal's entry is pure understated awesome (it's rather like an inverse Lordi), and Belarus wins the WTF award. I struggled a bit to pick favourites this year - Denmark, Poland and United Kingdom I almost really liked, but they're let down by harsh vocals which is a shame. Portugal aside, this year's collection seemed somewhat underwhelming and few songs really grabbed me - or perhaps it was that last year had some particularly good and epic entries in it.
And as for my £2, well I'm not holding out much hope but you never know (after all the bonkers entries have been known to win - like the Russian grannies from a few years back...).
First interval act: pretty decent.
Second interval act: interesting mix of modern synths and traditional instruments. And whatever bizarre (possibly made-up) drum-with-a-tail thing they've got in the middle. Overall I rather like it.
Third interval act: um... well someone apparently wanted their 5 seconds of TV fame. Full marks to the singer for carrying on regardless, but nil points to whoever was on the TV mixing desk and failed to switch away. Interruption aside, a reasonable song though I preferred her Eurovision entry last year.
( Time for the voting! )
This year appears to be WTF Eurovision. As in, WTF is that dress, WTF is that hair, WTF argh my eyes, WTF how is that even possible, WTF will the new voting system result in, WTF are the judges on (really, UK judges, you voted like that)? So here's my highly inaccurate WTF does boggyb think of it all guide...
- Belgium: meh
- Czech Republic: I'm not sure why, but I really like this one. It all fits - the lyrics, the images, the theme. This is quite possibly my favourite of the evening.
- Netherlands: meh
- Azerbaijan: meh
- Hungary: So their trick is a mad monk with a giant drum.
- Italy: Pretty, though I had no idea what was going on - there's no English subtitles of the lyrics this year.
- Israel WTF is that hair?
- Bulgaria: And this song's trick is light-up jewellery/clothing that only turns on near the end as just static white. Meh.
- Sweden: meh
- Germany: Alice (of Alice in Wonderland) is in some sort of gothic wood? I have no idea what's going on.
- France: Nice use of the video floor/wall. There's quite a few this year that are actually using this as part of the performance with more than a simple backdrop.
- Poland: meh
- Australia: This one started slowly, but grew on me - it's another of my favourites this evening. There's also a video overlay at one point but unlike in Italy where it was some random scribbles, here it's actually linked into the choreography and the singer interacts with it.
- Cyprus: Well it's presented as being some gritty metal song... and actually sounds like a tame bit of rock (Nickelback is more aggressive). I think they were trying for Lordi's success.
- Serbia: Some sort of goth theme?
- Lithuania: Another good use of the video floor/wall and overall I like it.
- Croatia: So the latest WTF dress is a plastic sheet?
- Russia: Oh, that's pretty neat. Heh, it's almost like a game of Rhythm Thief. Wait -- WTF HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? It's unfortunately let down by the truck driver's gear change at the end - the last part feels like they ran out of ideas and tried to fill the time with a more traditional Eurovision entry - but aside from that, it's very well done.
- Spain: meh
- Latvia: Yet another good video.
- Ukraine: Possibly the best use of the video wall/floor today. The singer is also putting an amazing amount of emotion into it.
- Malta: meh
- Georgia: ARGH MY EYES.
- Austria: Very pretty. I think it'll be overshadowed by the other entries
- United Kingdom: Actually a pretty decent entry.
- Armenia: meh
To sum up: Czech Republic and Australia are my favourites, Russia's entry DEFIES THE LAWS OF PHYSICS, and Georgia will MELT YOUR EYES with retina-destroying strobe lighting and eighties video effects. But wait, there's more!
First interval act: meh
Second interval act: AWESOME. What they've done is to create a song with every single musical trope from TV Trope's Eurovision page combined with every single winning act - and not only dare to perform the result, but actually make it work.
Third interval act (just after lines close - and no, this is not Heroes): The song is alright - nothing special - but the staging is impressive. They're performing motion capture of the dancers (that's what the little white dots on their suits are for) in real time and feeding it into the video floor.
...And now we've run out of songs and are into the voting. Which is weird this year - no, I don't mean the new system (which supposedly makes it more suspenseful, and definitely makes it go faster) but where the points are going. The top scores are all over the place! Interestingly when it got to the popular vote the public has a completely different opinion to that of the juries... and the voting itself went right down to the wire with the winner unknown until the very end (the combined popular vote ended out handing increasingly crazily high scores, so what looked like on unassailable lead suddenly became very uncertain).
