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Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Eurovision

Entry tags:

eurovision

The Highly Inaccurate Guide to Eurovision 2025!

I live! And I do intend for this blog to be more than just annual Eurovision posts. The trouble is I keep coming up with a post, fail to actually type it up when I'm at my PC, and them time passes and I end up with so many backlogged posts that none of them get posted.

Case in point: this post, which has taken nearly a week for me to get round to actually posting it.

Anyway, it's Eurovision time! And this year I'm at a watch party for added commentary!

So this year the trophy is delivered by... spontaneous kayaker in a Mission Impossible spinoff? The hosts are not impressed. For the flag parade this year, they've gone for Miami eighties sunset grid lines synthwave. I'm sensing a theme here...

Graham Norton: "if you're not enjoying any of the songs this year, just remember... there were worse"

This year's postcard theme: actual postcards. Some of the recipients may have been short changed with where the postcard was sent to.

1. Norway: is that it? Ah no, there's more - and ACTUAL FIRE!
2. Luxembourg: quick - escape the doll's house! S: "It's not a little bit weird. It's properly out there"
3. Estonia: E: "What is happening?" What is this I don't even... I think this is the strangest Eurovision song I've ever seen, and that includes Windows 95 man.
4. Israel: climb the very sparkly tower!
5. Lithuania: consensus from the watch party is "moody".
6. Spain: spontaneous techno and fireworks?
7. Ukraine: our superpower: the ability to create light by singing!

Interlude: Mexican wave fail! #awkward

8. United Kingdom: our song title is an accurate description of most Eurovision entries. Very strong Queen vibes for this one
9. Austria: if your opera is epic enough, your paper boat will become an actual boat!
10. Iceland: S: "did somebody say Jedward?" Wonderfully bonkers, though consensus in the watch party is it's not as bonkers as Estonia! The theme reminds me of a song from a previous Eurovision...

Interlude: What.

11. Latvia: our ritual summoning includes fish people. Neat projection effect on the curtain.
12. Netherlands: we summoned... tulips!
13. Finland: stop giving me mic stands!

Interlude: DVDs are apparently now more retro than CDs?

14. Italy: goth... but not?
15. Poland: our ritual summoning includes a whirlpool, fire, and a dragon
16. Germany: surprise techno boombox!

Interlude: the backstage ninjas

17. Greece: we've combined the whirlpool and fire into a lava ocean!
18. Armenia: I will survive the treadmill!
19. Switzerland: awww

Random watch party discussion: do you get to vote if you're in the audience?

20. Malta: What.
21. Portugal: sort of a Queen-lite song?
22. Denmark: help I'm trapped in a technicolour changing room

Interlude: Switzerland's new national anthem!

23. Sweden: warning: Swedish saunas may teleport you to Eurovision

Interlude: E: "it's a giant Eurovision karoke contest"

24. France: this is all your fault, Graham Norton.
25. San Marino: disco Eurovision?
26. Albania: we couldn't get a drum kit so we will have to improvise with intimidating rap

This year my favourites are Austria and Greece, the UK are better than Portugal at Queen tribute acts... and Estonia have demolished all comers at the "what is this I don't even" award (with Sweden a close second).

Interval 1: this is how we did Eurovision last time

Interval 2: epic rave dance-off!

Interval 3: epic breakdown over a ladder?

And it's time for the votes... with Sweden reporting from a sauna! San Marino successfully got the audience to join in. Italy is represented by a mouse? The juries are all over the place this year and with all the jury votes in Austria in the lead only has 258 points (while Iceland are on 0!).

Protip from the hosts: "Points are good!" Good to know.

And Iceland got some points and are not leaving with nothing! The UK on the other hand somehow got zero from the audience (along with Switzerland)? Harsh, dude.

It was close in the end - but ultimately, Austria are the winners! With the singer completely overwhelmed and clinging on to the podium for dear life while being attacked by confetti cannons!

Current Mood: curious

Entry tags:

eurovision

The highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2024: Results!

Interval act 1: Time for a eighties disco! And oops, a little too much fire - not to mention the wrong band...

Interval act 2: ABBA?! Covered by some more recent Eurovision winners.

This year even the hosts get to make a picture postcard and attempt dramatic selfies!

Interval act 3: the post-apocalyptic Fifth Element/Ghost in the Shell crossover continues...

And the lines are now closed! I did not expect the crowd to boo the EBU's representative Martin Österdahl to that extent, though this year's Eurovision contest has had controversial aspects, to say the least... Anyway, jury vote time with the traditional "this is London calling" combined with the traditional Graham Norton snark. Malta's representative was caught mid-banana! Australia have brought the keytar back, and with it 4 points to the UK - so whatever happens, we've scored something. Wow, the crowd do not like the EBU (who delivered the Netherland's points since their host decided not to appear after their disqualification).

So everyone got something from the jury vote, but the leader by far is Switzerland with 365 points? Don't get me wrong, it was good, but I wouldn't have expected it to win. As always everything is still to play for as the public vote can deliver over 400 points to the ultimate winner - and the public often disagrees with the juries.

Austria only got 5 (for 24 total). Lithuania are the first to get more than 50 from the audience. There's a lot of small scores being awarded at the moment, until we reach Greece with 85.

And the UK got zero from the audience? Harsh, dude, and undeserved - that was a decent entry.

Ireland did well, but not enough to reach the top. No, Australia, the witch shall not be crowned tonight. Instead it's looking like Croatia who got 370+ audience points. With two to go, it'll take a lot of points to pass Croatia and I'm not sure there's that much left for Switzerland or France to beat them.

I was wrong, Switzerland take the crown. Literally - they've got Ireland's crown!

All they have to do now is make it through the neon maze that is backstage. 😅

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Eurovision Song Contet 2024

Entry tags:

eurovision

The highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2024

Yes! It's that time of year again! And we're off to a great start already with one contestant kicked out during the rehearsals and at least two country hosts bowing out...

Anyway, Eurovision this year gets a royal introduction from the Crown Princess of Sweden! Classy.

I recognise one of the flag parade songs! Oddly enough I was listening to it only yesterday. And I see the UK has decided to win the largest flag competition with one that must have come from the Royal Navy 😅

Resident snarkmeister Graham Norton is back and opens with: "Yes, you can vote for songs before they have been performed. I could try and explain it, but why bother?". So this year the lines are already open? Eh, bring on the songs!

This year's postcard themes: a recap of past entries, followed by cellphone selfies with dramatic slow-motion posing

1. Sweden: we're stuck in an unforgettable sci-fi corridor with All The Strobe Lights
2. Ukraine: don't worry about life in the desert, our rain chant works
3. Germany: ALL THE FIRE
4. Luxembourg: beware of the leopards!
5. Netherlands: kicked out during rehearsals, though apparently not because of Gaza?
6. Israel: how to hide the backing dancers: all the smoke machines!
7. Lithuania: oh dear, we seem to have summoned giant hands

Interlude, with a clip of Sweden's first go at hosting Eurovision 50 years ago.

8. Spain: I did not expect that
9. Estonia: we lost our violins, so we'll have to improvise
10. Ireland: the goths have worked out how to power their spells with Eurovision. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
11. Latvia: rather underwhelming
12. Greece: we found the Tiktok effects!
13. United Kingdom: we hired M C Escher to do our set design. This may have been a mistake.

Interlude: the EBU spokesperson gives us the inside scoop... in song, naturally.

14. Norway: a sort of fey rock metal, with a side order of goth?
15. Italy: who will be brave enough to claim the Rose Throne?
16. Serbia: our fey goth has been left on a rock in the middle of the ocean. Very emotional.
17. Finland: what is this I don't even... just... what...
18. Portugal: see, if you abandon your fey then they'll just summon whatever Finland was and we'll have to clean up the emotional trauma
19. Armenia: I brought all my favourite instruments!
20. Cyprus: liar!
21. Switzerland: you can make it up the dish thing if you try!

Interlude: the infamous skirt moment!

Also this year the Eurovision songs are available on DVD, CD, LP,... and rune stone?

22. Slovenia: our fey didn't even get a rock to stand on, so she'll have to make do with backing dancers.
23. Croatia: time to leave for Eurovision, just don't forget to pack your cosplay outfits. Catchy!
24. Georgia: more fire! Though we'll have to make do with the video wall, Germany used up all the actual fire.
25. France: mind the camera! Impressive a capella bit near the end.

Interlude: Brighton survived ABBA!

26. Austria: cyberpunk fey, bringing the rave! Bookends rather neatly with Sweden at the start.

So to sum up, my favourites are Sweden, Norway, Croatia, and Austria, the fey have turned up from all over the place including Ireland, and Slovenia, and Serbia has demonstrated that if you don't take care of them then they'll retaliate. With Finland.

Current Mood: curious

Entry tags:

election

Election propaganda: 2024 local elections

I've totally failed at posting anything for um... nearly 6 months? That might be a new longest gap between posts. I've got several drafts that I really ought to have posted but for one reason or another didn't - maybe they'll appear, though given past history that's unlikely. Anyway, I'm back, and as there's local elections tomorrow I ought to have a look and see if anyone's worth voting for. Though given that I've received precisely zero flyers through the post, I'm not sure any of the parties are actually interested in being voted for...

First up: Labour are apparently running a Conservative voters meeting? Ah, actually this is a safe space where you can admit that you're going to vote Labour this time.

Next, the Greens are pointing out that everything's terrible - but don't worry, you can trust us to turn everything green. Look, we even got voted council of the year!

Meanwhile the Lib Dems would like you to know that they understand all your problems are the Conservatives' fault. So vote for the best candidate - sorry, best Lib Dem candidate - to fix it!

Finally the Tories are trying to define the word "home". Apparently the definition of "home" is "Tories rule Labour sucks OK"?

Current Location: Fareham, England

Entry tags:

history

Fareham history walk

So, yesterday afternoon I ended up going on a history walk in Fareham. The organiser expected maybe 15 people to turn up... they got upwards of 50!

It was a fascinating tour of the high street - we were joined by someone who used to live along there who regaled us with plenty of tidbits of historical trivia. There's a surprising amount of history in plain sight for those who know where to look - some of the houses still have the original fire insurance marks on them, for example.

Also tucked away in a small court off the high street is a battered old BT phone box (complete with equally old phone), which led to one of the more random moments of the tour. We'd been joined by a group of teens, and one of them spotted the phone box and asked "what's that, is it some sort of tardis?" as they'd never seen or heard of a BT phone box before. So the talk organiser gave a bonus modern history explanation on how people made phone calls before mobile phones!

Current Mood: sleepy

Remember, remember...

...the fifth of November,
Gunpowder, treason and plot,
I see no reason
why Gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot...

This year seemed a bit light on the local fireworks - to be fair it has been Very Wet And Windy, even if the much-heralded Storm Ciarán ended up largely ignoring Fareham in favour of trying to drown the Isle of Wight (how can Ryde flood? It's a hill on the seaside - everywhere's uphill of the sea!).

Not that the weather will ever stop Lewes! This year they've particularly got it in for the Tories, with effigies of Rishi Sunak, Jeremy Hunt and some sort or mermaid-kraken-Suella-Braverman-hybrid all getting burninated.

Entry tags:

video

Today's ridiculous video

Today's ridiculous video is The Slow Mo Guys' latest storage upgrade...

It's worth watching the whole series of tech upgrades - the numbers involved are utterly ridiculous. I think my favourite is still the original storage upgrade, where the shiny new 130TB server lasted about a month before being filled!

Current Mood: accomplished

Entry tags:

driving

MOT time!

MOT time! The Alfa passed with only the one advisory: a slight exhaust leak which the garage has patched. Otherwise it's all running fine - no mean feat as its nearing 100k miles. The only other work needed this year was an aircon recharge... and a new pair of tyres thanks to an unexpected flat, but that was technically last year so I'm not counting that :).

Current Mood: amused
Current Location: Mayflower Theatre, Southampton

Entry tags:

theatre

Peter Pan Goes Wrong

Last weekend's excitement was going to see Peter Pan Goes Wrong at the Mayflower theatre in Southampton! And indeed Peter Pan did go very wrong in all the right ways.

I highly recommend it, and I think the live production is actually better than the BBC one from a few years ago. When it's live, the audience joins in...

( Silliness )

Current Mood: silly

Entry tags:

randomness,
video

They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!

Sometimes, the algorithm finds the perfect video...

Current Mood: silly

Entry tags:

programming

Today's programming silliness

Today's programming silliness: creating a function with 16 parameters.

And then creating a second function with 39 parameters to call the first one.

The worst part: I think it makes the code more readable!

Current Mood: accomplished

Entry tags:

driving,
real life

Today's randomness

I live!

Really, I have no excuse for not blogging. I keep on thinking I should blog about something or other, then fail to do so, and after a while it reaches a point where there's So Much random stuff that I've not blogged about but want to that's all built up and nothing happens. There's the many unfinished Legend of Zelda posts, for starters.

So, I'll ignore all that - maybe one day I'll backfill random posts - and make an attempt at just posting current randomness. Let's see how long this lasts...

Anyway, ( today's randomness is the fun of renewing car insurance... )

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: Eurovision Song Contets 2023

Entry tags:

eurovision

The highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2023: Results!

Interval act 1: Wow - some (all?) of the dancers have artificial arms/legs, and there's even a few in wheelchairs.

Interval act 2: I recognise that song, it's Imagine? Annnd now we have a complete mood swing with You Spin Me Round and a pair of giant inflatable wings, because Eurovision 😅. It's a wonderfully bonkers mashup of previous contestants singing covers... ending with a very moving live linkup with Kyiv to You'll Never Walk Alone.

And that's it, the line's are closed, and bring on the votes! Unusually we don't have Graham Norton's snark on the UK commentary because he's actually presenting the results! We start with "this is Ukraine calling", who won't let the fact they're calling in from a literal warzone stop Eurovision. Most of the presenters follow the usual format of standing in front of a cultural location, but Iceland's presenter... he could have been part of the eldritch sci-fi that was Serbia's performance (turns out Iceland's presenter is from their 2019 entry, which explains everything). Whatever sci-fi show that is I want to know more. Norway's was merely gatecrashed by Subwoolfer who are everywhere this year. Georgia have gone steampunk!

So at the end of the jury votes at least all the countries have something (even if Germany only have 3 points) - there'll be no repeat of nul points this year. Sweden have a massive lead of almost twice 2nd-placed Israel... for now that is, but as always all can change with the televote and in past years there's been like 400 points from the audience so anyone could win.

Coratia's not going to win but has jumped into the top half from the audience vote. 9 points for the UK (for a total of 24) - harsh... but it is not zero, so I'll take that. And the audience very much disagreed with the jury on Norway and have launched them into current 2nd place. Ukraine's got to 3rd place from the televote.

We're now at the top five from the jury, and all could still win. Sweden's still at the top so it'll take a good couple of hundred points to pass them - and as I type, Finland gets 300-plus points to take first place for now. That may very well be game - I reckon it all comes down to how many points Sweden get.

And the winner is Sweden!

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Eurovision Song Contest 2023

Entry tags:

eurovision

The highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2023!

Yes, I do still have a blog despite having not posted since um... last year 😅. But it's now May, which means it's time for me to once again ramble on at Eurovision! And it's here in England!

And who knows, maybe I'll actually start blogging again having finally gotten round to writing something...

Wait, there's a Scouse commentary?

Anyway, so we begin with an all-star remix of last year's winner - and if you pick the right train, you'll be sucked into Liverpool! Specifically, into the Eurovision stage on top of a giant pair of hands?

The flag parade seems to now be a regular thing... though every few countries they interrupt it with a previous Ukranian performer. Queen Jadis is back with her Narnia forest... as is Verka, of course!

This year's postcard trick: drones with 360-degree cameras! Reminds me of the British Gas adverts of all things.

1. Austria: our cloning machine for backing dancers may have worked too well
2. Portugal: sass deployed. Quite a catchy song
3. Switzerland: 4-way - no, 5-way tug of war! Wait, are they launching fireworks downwards into the floor?
4. Poland: we found the video effects machine!
5. Serbia: very eldritch sci-fi. Shades of Doctor Who, or maybe Alien, with a side order of Mortal Kombat? Whatever show this is I want to know more
6. France: classy

Interlude: quick montage from the semi-finals... including Subwoolfer confusing everyone 😅

7. Cyprus: Health and Safety allowed flamethrowers but vetoed the waterfall?
8. Spain: the mysterious cult has found... the fog machine!

Interlude: Subwoolfer are back!

9. Sweden: Ghost in the Shell... in the desert?

Interlude: download our app! Please!

10. Albania: I don't know what boss battle this is for but it's an epic one
11. Italy: shadow dancers with a trampoline?
12. Estonia: surely a self-playing piano is cheating
13. Finland: warning: box contains Eurovision contestants and dangerous amounts of rainbows
14. Czechia: we're not your dolls
15. Australia: we're on a road trip all the way from down under - complete with epic drummer headbanging! This could be another boss battle soundtrack, this time with shades of the Astral Chain soundtrack
16. Belgium: What.

Interlude: Graham Norton's secret Eurovison DVD collectionn

17. Armenia: impressive. I was trying to work out how she's done it - it's front projection, but this time on an angled screen.
18. Moldova: another mysterious cult, summoning... something
19. Ukraine: more post-apocalyptic eldritch sci-fi, with a side-order of goth
20. Norway: and more boss battle soundtracks! Oddly, something about the tune for the chorus puts me in mind of the Mr Fantastic Fox film - the town battle near the end
21. Germany: Moldova's summoning ring succeeded. Bring on the guitars!
22. Lithuania: we've successfully banished whatever Moldova summoned. We think.
23. Israel: where's my unicorn!
24. Slovenia: welcome to club Carpe Diem
25. Croatia: what is this I don't even...
26. United Kingdom: we want to make it clear that we wrote a song

So Albania, Australia and Norway are providing the music for the boss battles while Serbia are in an actual boss battle, and Moldova's eldritch summoning succeeded. Whatever film/series/game this is the soundtrack for I want to know more.

Current Mood: excited

Entry tags:

strictly

The highly inaccurate guide to Strictly 2022, Week 11: Results!

Group dance
Will Lady Luck be on your side tonight? Better sit down and find out!

The Cher Show
There's something of a sci-fi space Valkyrie theme going on here...

Dance-off
This seemed very evenly matched between Molly & Carlos, and Kym & Graziano - I don't know how to call it.

Out-of-context quotes
Tess: "Four of my favourite things - the judges!"
Anton: "Head judge is impressed, that'll do for me"

Current Mood: excited

Entry tags:

strictly

The highly inaccurate guide to Strictly 2022, Week 11: Musicals quarter final!

See, this is why you don't leave 6th Form unattended near the props cupboard...

Molly & Carlos: Charleston to Hot Honey Rag from Chicago
Quick, better not be late for your dance!

Hamza & Jowita: Samba to They Live In You from The Lion King
Surprisingly emotional.

Kym & Graziano: Cha Cha to Fame from Fame
Hmm... burly builders, or taxi driver...

Will & Nancy: Foxtrot to Sun And Moon from Miss Saigon
Let us have this moment together - no backing dancers invited!

Helen & Gorka: Couple's Choice to Mein Herr from Cabaret
SASS DEPLOYED (and I don't think I've ever heard Craig get booed so much!)

Fleur & Vito: Quickstep to I Got Rhythm from An American In Paris
Just a slice of everyday Parisian street theatre...

Out-of-context quotes
Tess: "It's not real darling"
Craig: "I've got to pick on something"
Claudia: "I don't want to stop that moment"
Molly: "TESS!"
Helen: "Steady on"

Current Mood: sleepy

Entry tags:

strictly

The highly inaccurate guide to Strictly 2022, Week 10: Results!

Intro dance
Demonstrating that what this cafe needs is a bit of colour

Lionheart (Fearless) by Joel Corry & Tom Grennan
How to survive Craig's scoring: be fearless~~, like a lionheart

Interesting trailer for The Traitors - I wonder if it'll play out like a grown-up version of Trapped?

Dance-off
I don't think Ellie T & Johannes' jive stood much chance against Fleur & Vito's rumba here.

Out-of-context quotes
Claudia: "Did you tell the otters 'watch me, I'm going for the musicals'?"

And now I've finally caught up, just in time for musicals week tomorrow (yes, on Friday not Saturday - blame the football world cup).

Current Mood: silly

Entry tags:

strictly

The highly inaccurate guide to Strictly 2022, Week 10!

No time for a group dance - all we do is eat, sleep, train, repeat.

Will & Nancy: Charleston to Hush by Kula Shaker
Another sneak peek into Tron's End of Line Club.

Molly & Carlos: Tango to Bad Guy by Billie Eilish
Nice try, bad guy. And wow, the forced perspective and AR for the towering cubes at the start was impressive!

Ellie T & Johannes: Jive to Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison
How to pass the time when stuck in a traffic jam.

Fleur & Vito: Rumba to Too Lost In You by Sugababes
Lost in space.

Hamza & Jowita: Argentine Tango to Libertango by Bond
Another rooftop tango?

Helen & Gorka: Samba to Eso Beso by Emma Bunton
At the Strictly Hotel, all our staff are trained in samba!

Out-of-context quotes
Tess: "Picky, picky, picky!"
Claudia: "Talk to me about beans"
Fleur: "Bring the sauce"
Motsi: "We have Shirley Ballas, you and me"

Current Mood: excited

Entry tags:

strictly

The highly inaccurate guide to Strictly 2022, Week 9: Results!

You're The Voice by Sam Ryder
Yes, it's real, we really are at Blackpool!

All The Way Over by Sam Ryder
I'm not all the way over coming second at the Eurovision Song Contest.

Dance-off
Curiously the two couples in the dance-off both scored solidly in the middle of the pack. I reckon at this point all the remaining contestants could go to the final - certainly I don't know which way to call the dance-off, and neither do the judges as it went to the casting vote for the first time this year!

Out-of-context quotes
Ellie T: *shocked face*
Craig: "Don't get emotional, darling"

Current Mood: excited

Entry tags:

strictly

The highly inaccurate guide to Strictly 2022, Week 9: Blackpool!

Opening dance
Nothing to see here, just a perfectly ordinary evening in Blackpool - but make sure you're not late for the ballroom!

Hamza & Jowita: American Smooth to (Theme From) New York, New York by Frank Sinatra
In Blackpool, you get backing dancers! With giant feathers because why not.

Molly & Carlos: Jive to Bandstand by Boogie Barry Manilow
We would like to make it clear that there is a bandstand.

Kym & Graziano: Paso Doble to Only Girl (In The World) by Rihanna / We Found Love by Calvin Harris ft Rihanna
I did not expect this music genre for a Paso Doble.

Tyler & Dianne: Salsa to KC & The Sunshine Band Megamix by KC & The Sunshine Band
All aboard the Blackpool train!

Ellie T & Johannes: American Smooth to You’re My World by Cilla Black
Aww, floating amongst the lights of Blackpool (and a complete contrast to the opening American Smooth!).

Helen & Gorka: Quickstep to Valerie by Mark Ronson ft Amy Winehouse
At The Quick An Step, every night is party night! But better keep your eyes open when trying to kiss your new friend... 😅

Fleur & Vito: Couple's Choice to Destiny’s Child Megamix by Destiny’s Child
ALL THE SPARKLES! And was that Craig nodding along to the beat?

Will & Nancy: Samba to I Go To Rio by Hugh Jackman
Strictly's even brought the carnival to Blackpool!

Out-of-context quotes!
Claudia: "What happens in Blackpool obviously stays in Blackpool"
Kym: "...and some salt and vinegar please Claudia"
Everyone: "That's the way uh-huh uh-huh I like it uh-huh uh-huh"
Craig: "Hiptastic"