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Thomas ([personal profile] torkell) wrote2023-05-14 12:05 am
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The highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2023: Results!

Interval act 1: Wow - some (all?) of the dancers have artificial arms/legs, and there's even a few in wheelchairs.

Interval act 2: I recognise that song, it's Imagine? Annnd now we have a complete mood swing with You Spin Me Round and a pair of giant inflatable wings, because Eurovision 😅. It's a wonderfully bonkers mashup of previous contestants singing covers... ending with a very moving live linkup with Kyiv to You'll Never Walk Alone.

And that's it, the line's are closed, and bring on the votes! Unusually we don't have Graham Norton's snark on the UK commentary because he's actually presenting the results! We start with "this is Ukraine calling", who won't let the fact they're calling in from a literal warzone stop Eurovision. Most of the presenters follow the usual format of standing in front of a cultural location, but Iceland's presenter... he could have been part of the eldritch sci-fi that was Serbia's performance (turns out Iceland's presenter is from their 2019 entry, which explains everything). Whatever sci-fi show that is I want to know more. Norway's was merely gatecrashed by Subwoolfer who are everywhere this year. Georgia have gone steampunk!

So at the end of the jury votes at least all the countries have something (even if Germany only have 3 points) - there'll be no repeat of nul points this year. Sweden have a massive lead of almost twice 2nd-placed Israel... for now that is, but as always all can change with the televote and in past years there's been like 400 points from the audience so anyone could win.

Coratia's not going to win but has jumped into the top half from the audience vote. 9 points for the UK (for a total of 24) - harsh... but it is not zero, so I'll take that. And the audience very much disagreed with the jury on Norway and have launched them into current 2nd place. Ukraine's got to 3rd place from the televote.

We're now at the top five from the jury, and all could still win. Sweden's still at the top so it'll take a good couple of hundred points to pass them - and as I type, Finland gets 300-plus points to take first place for now. That may very well be game - I reckon it all comes down to how many points Sweden get.

And the winner is Sweden!