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The highly inaccurate guide to the Eurovision Song Contest 2022 results!
Interval act 1: Måneskin! Catchy - I prefer this to their entry from last year.
Interval act 2: More Måneskin, with a very different style of song that I was not expecting.
Interlude: Like! Subscribe! Vote! Please! Neat greenscreen pun at the very end though.
Interval act 3: Aww.
Interludes: We seem to have a series of over-the-top documentaries of the Eurovision Stress Contest?
Inerval act 4: Only with all the musical genres can we summon our giant rainbow heart!
Interlude: They even have Eurovision watch parties in space!
And finally, it's time for the results with the wonderfully quaint "this is $capital calling" satellite linkups (well, these days it's probably not satellite, but it's still no small feat of organisation) - and good news: the UK will not end this evening on nil points, thanks to an initial 4 from the Netherlands. And then 12 from Ukraine, putting the UK somehow at the top of the leaderboard. And... somehow we're staying there, with country after country awarding the full 12 points. Anyway, over in Serbia, they're continuing to demonstrate how health and safety applies to summoning circles. Iceland decided the meme's run its course and didn't award any points to Jaja Ding Dong. Cyprus awarded their traditional 12 points to Greece, showing that bloc voting isn't entirely dead. Latvia's presenter has an epic headdress.
Well. As Graham Norton said they were expecting the UK to do well, but no-one expected an outright victory on the jury votes! It's not a cunning plan to make the UK pay by having to host next year's Eurovision contest, is it? On the other end of the scale commiserations to Germany for ending up with zero points - I would not have ranked them as the worst song of the night.
It's still all up for grabs with the televotes and past years have shown that those can and do change everything. This year they're revealing those scores in the order the jury vote put the countries on the leaderboard, with the UK being revealed last.
Germany is the first to be revealed, and they did at least get to not end on 0 points with a few points from the televote. Moldova did spectacularly well with 200-odd points from the televote showing that the viewers and the jury sometimes vehemently disagree on scoring. And Serbia has just dethroned the UK - for now.
(trending on Twitter in the UK right now: WHAT IS HAPPENING)
With 4 to go... I reckon it'll be Ukraine, Spain, or the UK, and probably not Sweden.
Ukraine just received a massive 439 points from the televote for a total of 631, which may very well be game.
And the winner is... Ukraine, in what must be at least partially a massive middle finger to Russia. Honourable mention to the UK which somehow defied everyone's expectations and came second!
Interval act 2: More Måneskin, with a very different style of song that I was not expecting.
Interlude: Like! Subscribe! Vote! Please! Neat greenscreen pun at the very end though.
Interval act 3: Aww.
Interludes: We seem to have a series of over-the-top documentaries of the Eurovision Stress Contest?
Inerval act 4: Only with all the musical genres can we summon our giant rainbow heart!
Interlude: They even have Eurovision watch parties in space!
And finally, it's time for the results with the wonderfully quaint "this is $capital calling" satellite linkups (well, these days it's probably not satellite, but it's still no small feat of organisation) - and good news: the UK will not end this evening on nil points, thanks to an initial 4 from the Netherlands. And then 12 from Ukraine, putting the UK somehow at the top of the leaderboard. And... somehow we're staying there, with country after country awarding the full 12 points. Anyway, over in Serbia, they're continuing to demonstrate how health and safety applies to summoning circles. Iceland decided the meme's run its course and didn't award any points to Jaja Ding Dong. Cyprus awarded their traditional 12 points to Greece, showing that bloc voting isn't entirely dead. Latvia's presenter has an epic headdress.
Well. As Graham Norton said they were expecting the UK to do well, but no-one expected an outright victory on the jury votes! It's not a cunning plan to make the UK pay by having to host next year's Eurovision contest, is it? On the other end of the scale commiserations to Germany for ending up with zero points - I would not have ranked them as the worst song of the night.
It's still all up for grabs with the televotes and past years have shown that those can and do change everything. This year they're revealing those scores in the order the jury vote put the countries on the leaderboard, with the UK being revealed last.
Germany is the first to be revealed, and they did at least get to not end on 0 points with a few points from the televote. Moldova did spectacularly well with 200-odd points from the televote showing that the viewers and the jury sometimes vehemently disagree on scoring. And Serbia has just dethroned the UK - for now.
(trending on Twitter in the UK right now: WHAT IS HAPPENING)
With 4 to go... I reckon it'll be Ukraine, Spain, or the UK, and probably not Sweden.
Ukraine just received a massive 439 points from the televote for a total of 631, which may very well be game.
And the winner is... Ukraine, in what must be at least partially a massive middle finger to Russia. Honourable mention to the UK which somehow defied everyone's expectations and came second!
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